Peace
by portalkeeper
Summary: Ficlet set in the middle-end of 'Chosen'. Spike POV. Just had to get this out of my head.


A/N: This was inspired by listening to too much OMWF. Bittersweet fluff, romantic and kind of sad. Spike's last thoughts. 

Her hand's burning. Let go, love, lest you hurt yourself.

__

"I love you."

She loves me.

I'd guessed at it, all along. Hoped for it, _prayed_ for it, dreamed that it was true. 'Course, in the last year or so, I'd banished all thoughts of a possible relationship. I'd tried to believe she'd never felt anything but hate towards me, that the only reason I wasn't dust was because I was so far beneath her as to be unworthy of her stake. 

And mind you, I _did_ believe it. But there was always that nagging little voice in my head. The voice of poncy William, ever whispering, ever hoping. Even down in that sodding basement, I never really gave up hope.

That's what drove me out of my bloody mind, I'd wager. That unrelenting little spark of hope, burning more brightly than any soul, hurting more than a century's worth of gruesome murder and mayhem. That tiny flame of possibility, maintained by the hopeless romantic buried somewhere in this dead body.

Of course, it doesn't feel dead when she's around, with her shining hair the color of the gentle sun, her face that of a seraph's from the Pearly Gates…

Bloody hell! I'm turning into a right poof. If Angelus could hear me now…

Ol' Spike's gone soft. 

Now, where was I again? Oh yes, she loves me. _Me_. 

She chose me. Not Peaches. Y'know what? I wish Angelus was here. Not that a soulled being like myself would relish in rubbing that little fact into his brooding face or anything.

She says she loves me. 

I'm all for riding off with her into the bloody sunset. Just dropping everything and pulling her into a kiss she'll never forget.

But it can't work out that way, y'see? The Hellmouth is still open. There are probably more Big Bads lying in wait somewhere in this subterranean chamber. No way that initial burst of light had reached all of them.

For the tale to have a happy ending, for the little kiddies to all go beddie-bye at the end, this fight has to be finished. 

I have to see it through, make sure the kiddies still have beds to crawl back to. 

And, well, not to break up the big, heroic moment or anything, but I don't really have much of a choice in the matter. I'm just a bit stuck.

But back to all the drama. Let a bloke have a bit of time to brag, all right? 'Cause there'll be a lot of free time after all this is finished. 

So just let me say my piece, have my sodding fifteen minutes.

The Slayer, she's a part of the world. It needs her as much as she needs it to go on. It's a beautiful world out there, love. And to think, I've almost forgotten how radiant it looks in the sunlight.

I look one more time at her expectant face. She's waiting oh-so-patiently to hear the three words that I've said to her more times than I can bloody count. I force a smile, wishing my face was numb. It burns, Slayer. And it's not the amulet.

__

"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."

There. The damage is done.

I can't feel her hand anymore. I'm not sure whether she's let go, or whether I'm already beyond feeling. From the burning intensity in my chest, I'd say it's the former.

__

Shock, shame, disagreement…pain. I can read her like an open book. Always have. And I want nothing more than to wipe away that pain, reassure her that I wholeheartedly believe her words. But if I do that, there's no chance she'll be leaving. Ever. 

She'll get over this. Buffy's the strongest woman I've ever known, and I've met quite a few in my time who can hold their own. She'll move on like she always does.

That's just one of the reasons she's so beautiful.

__

"Now go."

Better to hurt her this way, better to go against everything I've promised, than to watch her die trapped in this closing hellhole. She deserves the world. The world of sunshine and puppies, right?

Don't know about the puppies, but the sunshine's definitely here.

__

"I wanna see how it ends."

Now that she's safe, that is. And she has to be. If Buffy wants to get out, she'll get out. 

My Slayer's one hell of a woman.

I can still see her face. In the sun's rays, it's even lovelier than in the shadows.

I can't help smiling, laughing even. Knowing that she's all right, there's really nothing that can rain on my parade. 

Y'know, it's not so bad, the actual process. There's a stinging sensation, followed by gradual warmth and a rather welcoming overall numbness. It started in my torso, spreading from my chest outwards. And in a few more moments it'll pass. Guess I'll be getting that sweet release after all, love.

The world's most beautiful woman loves me. I've heard her say it with my own ears. And being love's bitch, that's all I need. It's all I've ever needed.

To hear it from her lips…

I can finally rest in peace.


End file.
